Profilectlx.Carlene Tan Li Xuan 11th July 1988. Currently 23+. Studied in St. Anthony's Canossian Primary and Secondary School, SRJC (first 3 months), TPJC, NUS FASS (econs). loves family, friends, chocs, western desserts, yellow, etc etc.
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Saturday, April 30, 2005Looking back, i regret certain actions.Looking back, i find myself so immature. Looking back, i hardly knew what kind of person i was. Looking back, i find my greatest memories. Whenever something goes wrong, it's always the fault of others, how many times have we actually questioned ourselves if we're at fault or not? I admit, i was seriously an immature thing in the past. I never wanted to admit to anything even if the fault really lies within me. Now, i find myself self-blaming more than ever. My mum was really hurt by how my sister rebuted her today during an argument. I figured she must have felt the extent of the sacrifices she's made for this family and i understand. But because she isn't the open sort of person so she can't accept anything differing from her views and that's what my sister loves to do, disagreeing and rebuting. I guess she went a little off board today, but i know deep down she never meant it to sound the way she said it, but my mum just refuses to listen. *sigh* It's so contradicting, on the surface, both my sis and i act as though we're forever disagreeing with my mum and forever making her mad, or so she thinks. And she's never taken any of our kind acts to heart. She was complaning that we're forever blaming others first, that we don't take responsibility of our own work and only know how to complain. I agree, i complain, other than that, there's really nothing i can agree. I do blame myself, but she just doens't know, and even if i told her, she'll probably think i'm insincere or merely being sacarstic. She keeps thinking i'm attached, not that i really bother, but just look, i mean do i look attached? She's sp suspicious that even when i go for trainings outside school, she thinks i'm socialising. i mean come on, i know what i should do and what i shouldn't. I'm not saying she should let me have freedom, but at least, she should know her child better than that, how can I ever be attached. sheesh. its simply ridiculous! I just hope she shakes off that idea. Now everytime i sms, she thinks i'm smsing my "bf". Oh please, i know she's just worried, but its getting on my nerves! Every little movement i make, she relates it to be having a "bf". argh!!!! Okay, i admit, i'm a lousy daughter, lousy friend, lousy advisor, i hardly excel at anything and i'm not the kind of daughter my mum wants me to be. but i'm trying, i really am, but its so hard cos she doesn't even want to trust me. I know i must change, i gotta change this horrible temper of mine, gotta be more patient, gotta be more hardworking, bascially, more of everything. Generally speaking, i gotta improve myself in all aspects. *weeps* Now, my prayers. 1. i thank God for letting my dad discharge from the hospital, now i pray that he may keep his health is good condition. 2. i pray for all the guy team members playing on tues. may they keep calm and do their best, which i know they will. :) 3. i pray for cindy whose leaving on 3rd of may for HK tt she'll have a smooth journey. 4. i pray for my friends in the other JCs that they may all cope with their studies and handle the stress well. 5. i pray for my siblings and i that we may soon know how to be better children. there are so many more people i must pray for, and i can't possibly list them all down. For now, i'm just thankful God gave me 3 best friends and i'm sure they know who they are (better not say the names, later they happy until they burst. haha!) and i'm thankful i found someone i can relate to in class. *grinz* yup, that's all now, tc everyone! *hugz* |